Scammers Are Targeting Widows After Loss. Here’s How To Protect Yourself.
Introduction
A Facebook group for young widows and widowers is the first place I encountered the term “widow’s fire.”
In a post, a woman who had lost her husband only four months ago talked about hitting it off with a man online. She had feelings of guilt and shame but was eager to meet him. Due to the nature of his work, she hadn’t yet met him – and said it would be about two months until he returned from working offshore and would be able to meet.
Group members – widows and widowers themselves – were quick to throw up warning flags. One commenter stated that claims about offshore employment are a telltale sign of a scammer. Another commenter talked about a friend who experienced something similar, only to have the person on the other side ultimately ask for money.
You don’t need to hear from me that grief is complex. There’s not a right way to grieve, and it doesn’t show up in ways most people would have expected before living in it.
The “widow’s fire” – a sudden or intense desire for physical intimacy after the death of a partner – is another manifestation of grief. Griefspecialists.com puts it well: “physical intimacy is not separate from grief. For many couples, touch, closeness and connection are central parts of the relationship.” The body doesn’t simply switch that off when a relationship ends.
Unfortunately, it’s times when we’re most vulnerable that we’re most likely to be taken advantage of.
Common Red Flags
Claims of wealth or status: scammers prey on vulnerable women by claiming to have prestigious, high-earning jobs. They might even send “proof,” like screenshots of fake bank accounts or fake statements.
Love bombing: scammers will give lavish attention, often sending texts at all hours of the day, with promises of an amazing life together.
Asking for money: after a scammer feels like they’ve earned your trust, they’ll attempt to get you comfortable opening your wallet by asking you, either directly or indirectly, for small amounts of money. One victim’s scammer emotionally manipulated her into sending his “daughter” gift card money for feminine hygiene products. This was only the first step in more funds lost.
Refusal to meet in person (or last-minute excuses): scammers will dangle the proverbial carrot with promises of a future meeting. They may lay out elaborate plans of dates or romantic getaways. But when the time comes to meet, excuses will arise. Sometimes these excuses even turn into attempts to ask for more money. They might state they’ve been falsely detained and need bail money, or that they missed a flight and aren’t able to purchase another ticket for some reason, and need you to help them out. Just when you think you’re going to meet them, something always comes up.
Protecting Yourself
Don’t share anything about your financial situation: be extra cautious about talking about your personal financial situation. Even information about the type of car you drive, mentioning that you work with a financial advisor or CPA, or the house you live in, can give the scammer information to use to take advantage of you.
Don’t keep them a secret: scammers often tell their victims not to share information about them with friends and family. This is an attempt to isolate you from people who look out for you so they can more easily take advantage of you. If a scammer tells you not to tell someone – anyone – that you’re sending them money, then it’s almost certainly a scam. Cut off contact immediately.
Do a reverse image search: scammers often steal photos from influencers, models, or even just regular, unwitting people. If they send you photos, try searching for what they send you in Google. If it shows up elsewhere with a different name attached to it, don’t ask for an explanation – cut off contact.
What to Do if You Think You’re a Victim
If you feel like you’ve been scammed or are about to be, the most important thing to do is to cut off contact with the scammer. Don’t respond to any letters, texts, phone calls, or video message requests. If you think you’re a victim of a scam, you can report it to AARP’s Fraud Watch Network. Seek legal counsel, consider filing a police report, and file a complaint with the FBI.
Where to Go Next
There’s no shame in feeling the human desire for physical contact and intimacy – and the possibility of being scammed shouldn’t stop you from seeking it out, if that’s what feels right. The important thing is to go slow, proceed with caution, and not let the widow’s fire silence your gut instincts.
Check out (and bookmark) our free resources for widows page, and other blog posts for widows going through this.
When you’re ready, you can schedule a free intro call with Scot and Lindsey.
Scot Whiskeyman, CFP® and Lindsey Ciarrocca, CMC® are independent, fiduciary financial planners - and husband and wife - who help widows navigate the complex financial decisions that follow the loss of a spouse, with a $500,000 minimum in investable assets.
This article is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, investment, tax, or legal advice. Providers & Families Wealth Management is not affiliated with, and does not endorse, sponsor, or guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of any third-party websites, tools, or calculators referenced herein. Use of any such tools is at your own discretion and risk. Investing involves risk, including the possible loss of principal, and past performance is not indicative of future results. Information is provided "as is" without warranty of any kind.
